There’s nothing celebrities enjoys more than lavish affairs celebrating their greatness. Exhibit A: the American Music Awards. Fortunately for myself and about 200 other star stalkers, lots of celebs can’t sit for more than 10 minutes without running to the bathroom to “powder their nose” and thus, every ceremony needs some seat fillers. This is how I, thanks to my ravishing good looks and “trendy hollywood club attire” (the seatfilling company’s words, not mine) fashion sense, found myself seated among the stars on a Sunday afternoon for the 2008 AMA’s.Christina Aguilera’s opening of the show had been much hyped by a friend who had seen her in rehearsals, but unfortunately, it was as rough as she’s been looking lately. Started off GREAT: singing the first verse of “Beautiful” acapella. But, dear readers, that was where the greatness began and ended. As soon as she launched into a medley of her dance hits, she seemed to forget how to do two things at once. She was so focused on her dancing that I heard her sing maybe 3 words and a few “oh oh”’s throughout the rest of the performance….she even forgot some of the words to Genie in a Bottle. I’m sure this was covered up for TV viewers by the backing track but this is the beauty of being a seat filler: you get to see what really goes on.

After an AWESOME performance by New Kids on the Block and a bizarre and clearly drug fueled monologue by Scott Weiland I FINALLY pushed a teenage girl out of my way and managed to escape the seat fillers holding area for a place among the action. Though I was not seated next to any celebrities, I did have a nice view of Chris Brown, Jamie Foxx, David Archuleta (who should really consider a career as a Keebler Elf should this whole singing thing not take off), Taylor Swift, and Wu-Tang Clan.
Though I did not notice them when I first sat down, Daughtry and his band were seated to my left. I had noticed that someone in that vicinity was being a little loud and obnoxious but these are rock stars (and I use that term loosely) so, whatever. When the Jonas Brothers took the stage I realized just WHO was being so annoying when Chris Daughtry jumped out of his chair and started mocking the boys by imitating their dancing in the aisle by his seat. Dude, Chris, can I call you Chris?, I get it. Really I do. I think those boys are three of the luckiest teenagers on the planet given that they have NO talent and always sing off key live, but really? Need I remind you that you were discovered on a reality show? It seems someone had indulged in one too many of something before he came into the awards show and continued his comedy act until his band members yelled at him and physically pulled him back into his seat.

The show continued and I noticed an odd trend happening over in Chris Brown’s vicinity. At every commercial break Chris was out of his seat and over talking to Jamie Foxx. Rihanna stayed where she was, talking to those around her. No big deal really. But it was definitely more than coincidence or excitement when they both went up to receive their second, and for Chris Brown, third, awards and there was absolutely no acknowledgement of the other person. No hugs, no thank you’s, they didn’t even look in their “significant other’s” direction before they went up to make their speeches. My interest piqued by this behavior I went and looked at pictures from the event and while most celebs had at least one picture with their date if they had brought one along, Rihanna and Chris? All the pictures of them on the red carpet are solo. And not near each other which means they arrived separately. Could the rumors of a Chris Brown/Rihanna/Kanye West love triangle be true?

Speaking of Kanye, as cocky as he can be (AND HE CAN BE COCKY!!!!), he did give a killer performance. Annie Lennox blew everyone away when she performed her hit, “Why” accompanied only by candle light and her piano. I hope that some of the other performers, ahem, Jonas Brothers, were humbled by her performance as she reminded everyone in the auditorium what a real musician looks, and sounds, like.

However, the moment I knew would be most appreciated by CDAN readers, knowing Enty’s dislike for this celebrity couple as we do, came at the beginning of Mariah Carey’s performance. When the lights came up, Mariah was on some sort of pedestal that turned slowly around to face the audience. There was a guy waiting for Mariah to help her down from her pedestal and yes, you guessed it, it was Nick Cannon. This was his SOLE function in the performance, to take her hand and escort her down three stairs. Then he walked off the stage. What, were all the PA’s busy helping Julianne Hough apply her 56th coat of spray tan? I half expected him to come back out on stage with his nail file and get to work on her corns while she finished singing. Somebody might be finding a little bonus in their allowance this week!

Though I have just spent paragraphs on all the snark and low points of the evening, all in all I thought the show was great. Being able to be there and see so many great performers all under the same roof was awesome. The only thing that could’ve made the night perfect was if the Jonas Brothers went home empty handed. Maybe next year…..

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• Rihanna And Chris Brown Smooching In The Pool
• Rihanna and Chris Brown Need To Come Out Of The Closet

Christina Aguilera just released a video called, Keeps Getting Better. That’s a paradox if you look at this picture where its obvious that the couple keeps getting worse. I know, that wasn’t nice, and if you don’t have anything nice to say, you should blog it.

This Jordan guy is such a douchebag, but at least one can take solace in the fact that Christina is now closer to his level. Boy, remember when she was hot? Seems like ages ago. What the hell is Christina wearing in these pictures? Looks like she is going to a funeral for a comic strip character.

More pictures of Christina Aguilera and Jordan Bratman.

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• Christina Aguilera’s Baby Boutique Outing
• Christina Aguilera’s Growing Baby Register

Target commercial for christina aguilera’s greatest hits “Keeps Gettin’ Better”. Out on november 11.

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• Christina Aguilera nude in a perfume ad
• Christina Aguilera Treats Fans to a Holiday DVD

Christina Aguilera was clearly keen to keep covered up from the British chill.

But the plucky singer still showed plenty of front, as her heaving bosom spilled forth from her tight-fitting coat.

The singer was seen leaving restaurant L’Atelier after a romantic dinner with husband Jordan Bratman at L’Atelier de Joel Robuchon restaurant in London’s Covent Garden last night.

Christina looked just swell, as her bosom spilled over the top of her pink corseted dress.

In fact, even though she had her first child ten months ago, her bounteous appearance will do little dispel rumours that a second baby might be on the cards for the year-old singer.

Christina and her husband are making the most of their couple time, as the singer arrived in London earlier this week to perform at the Africa Rising concert.

But she looked a little down in the mouth despite her evening out at the exclusive restaurant.

Christina made her return to the stage in the UK wearing a series of eye-catching outfits at London’s Albert Hall on Wednesday, ten months after giving birth to her son Max.

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• Christina Aguilera’s Pampered Pregnancy
• Christina Aguilera’s Baby Name Revealed?

I say put this on PPV. I think it would be an awesome brawl, probably better than most of the crappy boxing matches as of late. Two divas, a cage, lots of mud and a couple of midgets (hey, it would make it way cooler with midgets, so lay off). Anyways, this all got started because Christina was just confirmed by the VMA’s and apparently, the rumor is going around that MTV tried to keep Britney’s signing a secret until Christina signed. Hmmmm….

“I’m very excited,” said Christina about the news, which was announced at a press conference at Paramount Studios in L.A. Refering to her 8-month-old son Max Liron, Xtina said, “This will be his first time watching me perform on television, but only for a little while because he’s not really allowed to watch television yet. I’ll make an exception for the VMAs.”

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• Christina Aguilera: “Inspired” to Record After Having Baby
• Christina expecting her first baby

I am probably alone in thinking this but Christina looks like a trainwreck to me. Between the terrible white hair, the awful tan, the worst boobs possible, the ugly skank outfit and her makeup, I don’t know what she is thinking. She looks like pure trash and not fun sexy trash like she was when she was younger. She seriously look like a scary piggish tranny. She needs a makeover asap.

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• Arrest Katherine Heigl and throw away the key
• REESE WITHERSPOON IS A CLEAN FREAK

The sultry singer told Glamour that she and husband Jordan Bratman “make sure we have Mommy and Daddy nights out.” She added, “Our child comes first, obviously, but there are certain things you can do: Once we know he’s in good hands, we go out late at night and have a few drinks. Then we’ll come home, dim the lights and do our thing . . . and I’m not going into any more detail than that.”

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• Christina Aguilera: “Inspired” to Record After Having Baby
• Demi Moore’s daughters know it all

It is nice that Xtina is covered up, she looks casual and sexy. I personally think is too orange and her hair is too white but no red lipstick or awful cleavage - we can’t ask for much more.

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• Happy Birthday Christina Aguilera Xtina!
• Christina Augilera On her Way to the Polls Nice Cleavage

Christina looks fantastic in this tight dress and WOW what big cleavage.

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• CHRISTINA AGUILERA STEPS OUT TO PARTY
• Christina Aguilera Shows Off Her Spider Look

Christina having a good time out for the evening.

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• Christina Aguilera Shows Off Her Spider Look
• Christina Aguilera, the MILFiest of them all.

Talk about dangerous curves, this is downright scary. Her boobs and butt are just growing away. This of course all due to Jordan Brattman super-douchebagging impregnating one of the hottest girls around. Hey, I’m not saying I don’t like, but I am saying it’s probably headed for a bad direction. Dangerously bad!

More pregnant Christina Aguilera pictures.

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• Christina expecting her first baby
• Christina Aguilera’s Working With A Soul Legend

Christina checking out the new fashions.

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• CHRISTINA AGUILERA TO PROMOTE JEWELERY
• Christina Aguilera Looks Stunning In Stephen Webster Jewellery Ad Campaign

The recent mother of son Max, and wife of douchebag Jordan Bratman, is apparently drinking away the baby weight.

Page Six says, The pop tart, who recently gave birth to son Max, went to Crown Bar in Los Angeles with hubby Jordan Bratman and friends, who had a few rounds before continuing the party at the Chateau Marmont. A source said Bratman, who stayed sober, drove home. 

This is exactly the kind of milf I would love to meet out in some ritzy Hollywood bar. She still has the big breast, her weight looks down, and she is into drinking  away the blues of being with a complete douchebag. I have always been a fan of Christina, and it appears she is going to rebound nicely from the pregnancy.

More Christina Aguilera post-pregnancy pictures.

 

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• Xtina loves a little Heiney
• Christina Aguilera’s Growing Baby Register

MOST breast-feeding mothers know that drinking beer can help lactation - including, apparently, Christina Aguilera. The pop tart, who recently gave birth to son Max, went to Crown Bar in Los Angeles last week with hubby Jordan Bratman and friends, who had a few rounds before continuing the party at the Chateau Marmont. A source said Bratman, who stayed sober, drove home.

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• Christina Aguilera goes bar hopping
• Christina Aguilera Picks a Baby Name

Apparently Christina Aguilera moved into a neighborhood populated by elderly people and they do not appreciate any noise at all after the dinner hour. Incidentally the dinner hour is whatever time they get back from the Denny’s early bird special, but think 430 or 5p. Any noise after that is just rude.Well, apparently Christina and her caveman husband like to put the baby to bed or one of the staff does, or they just set the kid in a lawn chair with a bottle and let him watch Christina and Caveman make sexy time in the pool. Almost every night, Christina and the Caveman head outside to the pool and are not wearing a stitch of clothing. I know, I know, but try not to picture the Caveman who should in no way be confused with Captain Caveman who also seemed to do well with women. Must have been the big stick he was always carrying. This Caveman is also not to be confused with The Caveman who was also a manny to Britney Spears. Whatever happened to that guy by the way? Did he go back to Encino and make cameos in Pauly Shore movies?

Once outside, “They don’t just splash around - they laugh, scream, swear and make sexy noises,” a source told The Sun. “We’re happy that they’re happy, but we wish they would keep it down a bit. “There are a lot of old people who live around here, and they don’t like noise after the dinner hour.”

Wow. How bored am I today that I am writing about old people complaining to The Sun about the noises Christina Aguilera makes when she has sex. How did The Sun find out? Do they have an LA office that goes around knocking on neighbor’s doors asking if they have had any problems with the kids next door? So, it is probably just an elaboration on the interview Christina gave where she said that she and Jordan walk around naked on Sundays. If you are walking around naked on Sundays, then you are probably having sex in the pool on Mondays. It is not too big of a stretch to imagine Jordan screaming like a virgin everytime he gets to have sex with his wife, thus the story. Let me know when one of the neighbors gets a video camera.

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• CHRISTINA AGUILERA STEPS OUT TO PARTY
• Christina Aguilera: Sexy Momma