Well, it didn’t!  

Finally Prince Hot Ginge is free to be with me! That’s if you believe The News of the World anyway. They claim Chelsy Davy ended her 3-year relationship with Prince Harry over the phone this week. 

Chelsy was reportedly fed up with Prince Hot Ginge getting drunk and fooling around with other chicks. Just hours after being dumped Harry was seen “canoodling” with another chick at a club. 

A source close to Hot Ginge said, “He and Chelsy have come to a crossroads and sadly have decided to go their separate ways. Harry has got a lot to give to the army and his charities and that will be his main priority.”

A friend of Chelsy’s said, “Chelsy just couldn’t put up with his antics any more. She feels they’ve fallen out of love. She was sick to the back teeth of Harry not putting the maximum amount of effort into the relationship. “

Hot Ginge is too much tool for one woman. He’s a young douche and those types never stay true. Perhaps one day he’ll grow up to be a tampon, but right now he’s too busy getting into trouble.

Hillary Clinton still totally hates New York Times reporter Patrick Healy; he wrote a piece about her relationship that she’s never gotten over. (2008 is gonna be a long year for him!) Incidentally, according to Pat’s recent bio, he is “single.” Race ya! [NYO]

Super-cougar publisher and current Sirius radio chat-show host Judith Regan writes in the December Harper’s Bazaar that , after she was fired from her own HarperCollins imprint, she went off to China and found some of herself. Then she came back to New York and enjoyed a cathartic moment when she belted out “My Way” in a downtown karaoke bar.” Well! We are extremely please to report that, while she declined to reenact that performance for us, Ms. Regan has sent us the audio of her version of “My Way.” (Yes. We are being serious.) Honestly, it is amazing. Not “Chocolate Rain” amazing—more like Jennifer Hudson amazing. We made a video of the first half! [Karaoke video: Blakeley/Stein Film Starship]

Each fall, Time magazine hosts a panel luncheon to put forward nominations for their annual super-special “Person of the Year” issue. The magazine feeds a couple hundred media folks and then pretends to let them participate in the decision—they also hand out gift bags, which was a good enough reason for us to go today! This year’s panelists: Brian Williams, Whoopi Goldberg, George Allen, MySpace co-founder Chris DeWolfe and rockstar activist Ayaan Hirsi Ali. Last year’s much-ridiculed mylar heraldee—you! I mean, me!—requires a decent recovery for 2007. This is why it was so lame that Williams, Whoopi and DeWolfe all suggested some take on the environment. Whoopi even went all abstract on us, choosing just the word green. Too much Joy Behar exposure, perhaps?

Now, in our defense, we recycle, we turn off lights, we don’t even litter, which basically qualifies us as saints in this city. We have been known to, upon occasion, not completely tune out Al Gore.

Still… a Time rendition of Vanity Fair’s “Green Issue” leaves us cold.

Former senator George Allen, who’s been stumping so long he can put an audience into a trance faster than most, suggested General Petraeus “and the troops.” Of course, of course, the troops too!

Ali seemed to be the only one who didn’t make up her answer in the elevator; she chose French prez Nicholas Sarkozy. Hammy Brian Williams had some mic trouble; “No thanks, Whoops,” he answered when the “View” host offered him hers. Is it just us, or are Williams’ much-written about secret comedy chops on their way to being overexposed?

Still! We do give him props for verbally smacking the 41-year-old MySpace guy (whose alternate suggestion—surprise!&mdash was his new boss, Rupert Murdoch) when he tried to sound 15-years-old by saying he wasn’t exactly sure what this General Petraeus guy was all about. (And he isn’t even the MySpace founder who lies about his age!)

The real message in the news, “whatever that message may be,” gets lost for young people, he thinks. Honey. AARP’s got you on deck; you sound silly.

“My wife and I thank you,” an almost misty-eyed George Allen said to a horrified Whoopi Goldberg, thanking her for “Ghost.” WTMI, Senator, seriously.

And a slightly scary Post grande dame Liz Smith scolded the panel for being too upbeat, and TV chat-host Joe Scarborough, who is awfully tall, suggested George W. Bush. That did it for Whoopi, who then kicked everyone out. We thus leave it to you, dear readers, because other than maybe that “your mom” should be Time’s Person Of The Year, we got nothing.

Monique Shinnery is the woman Dog the Bounty Hunter directed the n-word towards and now she tells the National Enquirer that she’s going to sue him. Monique thinks Dog has slandered her name not only on the tape, but in recent TV interviews.  

She said, “I’m going to sue Dog Chapman. He has slandered me, stated that I have bad character and repeatedly lied about me on national television. If I’m ever going to hold my head up in public again, I need to stand up for what is right.”

Monique said not only does Dog always use the word, but so does Beth.

She goes on to say, “I have had threats from his fans. I have been hiding, afraid to go out. After Dog’s slander against me, my boss told me they might require that I take a drug test. I have never done drugs.”It was all lies. He ‘apologizes’ and then continues to lie about me. I cannot and do not accept his apology, because it was insincere. It’s not even about him using the ‘N’ word. It’s about him not wanting a black woman to be part of his family or part of his son’s life.”

Monique says it’s not about money, but it’s about defending her name. She also claims she’s never met or spoken to Dog before.

Didn’t Monique know her boyfriend was going to leak the tape? I mean…didn’t she see all this coming? Sure, she should sue him, because she’s American and that’s what we do.

She should just get him where it really hurts and cut off his mullet.

The Long Island HOlita, Amy Fisher, is suing Red Light District over a sex tape she shot with her husband, Louis Bellera. Lou sold the tape to get back at Amy for leaving him for Joey Buttafuoco. Lou made an agreement with Red Light in August of 2007 and didn’t have Amy permission.

She claims the video was private.

This lawsuit is all smoke. Bitch is gonna strike up an agreement with Red Light and the tape will see the light of day. The tape is probably a snoozefest. Look at her! She probably can’t suck a dick worth shit. Not with those chompers! And I don’t care what the hell you say. Lou is not hot. Ok, maybe just a little.

Source: TMZ

“President Bush, right, smiles after presenting author Harper Lee, left, with the Presidential Medal of Freedom during a ceremony for the 2007 Recipients of the Presidential Medal of Freedom, Monday, Nov. 5, 2007, in the East Room at the White House in Washington (AP Photo/Ron Edmonds)”

Former First Lady and potential POTUS 44 Hillary Clinton backed out of a Vogue photoshoot last minute, reports aging Post doyenne Liz Smith, for fear of appearing “too glamorous” and “too elitist.” The photographer was going to be Annie Leibovitz, whose last big project was a series of portraits of Queen Elizabeth II; the writer was slated to be Julia Reed, the “staunchly Southern” author of Queen of the Turtle Derby and Other Southern Phenomena. Guess it’s understandable if La Clinton was leery of being described in Southern terms of endearment: “Hillary Clinton was not beautiful, but men seldom realized it….”

Former actor and funnyman and one-time talkshow host Charles Grodin just wrote a book calledIf We Only Knew Then….Learning From Our Mistakes. So what are some of his mistakes? Well, we might just ask him that at his appearance at the Armonk Library at 8 pm on November 10th–as per this flier distributed all over up in Westchester!–but in the meantime, we have a few ideas.

Rudy Giuliani, the Mayor of 9/11, began running a radio ad in New Hampshire this week that’s all about how he survived his prostrate cancer without any help from the government. “I had prostate cancer five, six years ago. My chance of surviving cancer, and thank God I was cured of it, in the United States, 82 percent. My chances of surviving prostate cancer in England, only 44 percent under socialized medicine.” Of course, because Rudy Giuliani is saying those things, each sentence contains its own egregious lie. Even the first one!

Rudy was diagnosed with prostate cancer seven-and-a-half years ago. Not really sure if he just didn’t remember that? We’re kinda surprised he didn’t say “I had cancer nine, eleven years ago.”

The statistics, obviously, are both totally made-up, but you probably guessed that. And if you are even halfway paying attention to anything you might’ve noticed or remembered that his seven-and-a-half-year-old diagnosis happened when he was still Mayor of New York.

The Mayor is, like all city employees, part of the New York City Health Benefits Program. So his fancy cancer treatment was underwritten by hard-working joes like you and me! Here we are, struggling to make a buck, and the government wants to steal our paycheck so Mr. Fancy-pants Communist over there can keep riding around on his tiny pony purposefully getting more cancer all the time so Uncle Sam cuts him another check. Disgusting!

Rudy’s Bogus Healthcare Stats [Salon]

John Catsimatidis, that supermarket-magnate billionaire with political pals who isn’t Ron Burkle, gets his mayoral ambitions taken seriously by the New York Times today. Hilarious! Catsimatidis, a longtime Clinton donor and total loudmouth, has been talking about switching to the Republican party and running for New York City mayor all year. Now, money may buy one anything! And affection for his Gristedes stores may go a long way with New Yorkers! And we will be totally entertained by watching him go postal on insanely tall Time Warner honcho and fellow rich person Dick Parsons for the 2009 mayor’s slot! But no. If he wants a legacy so bad, he should just like, give the $30-million he’s gonna spend on the race to teachers or something. Or BURN IT.

Another celebrity’s potty-mouthed racism has been exposed, blah blah blah—especially since we’re not sure that “Dog” the Bounty Hunter, the latest “gotcha” tabloid victim, really qualifies as such? However, we are impressed by his ability to so alienate his son that the kid has no problem selling a tape he made of his dad being a total prick on the phone to a tabloid for wads of cash. It’s the new thing! Getting parental revenge, Ireland Baldwin-style.

The Saw Mill River Parkway was closed last night during rush hour&mdash why? Oh, because there was a sniper loose, picking off motorists! More shots have been fired this morning, apparently. This could make the trip home to Chappaqua a bit dicey for Hillary Clinton, not to mention all the Wall Street execs and law partners trying to get back to their Westchester “cottages.”

Chinese rights to the O.J. Simpson sort-of confession weird-thing “If I Did It” have been sold. It’s about time China found out the truth about America! The poor Goldman family was presumably not dismayed that rights went for less than $50K. [Publisher’s Marketplace]