I can’t believe I am going to say this but David Hasselhoff actually looks good in his Baywatch trunks.

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Lost in the shuffle of the divorce settlement between David Hasselhoff and his ex wife Pamela Bach and then Dave’s trip to the hospital is that The Hoff is no longer The Hoff. As part of the divorce settlement, Pamela Bach now owns the right to the trademarked nickname The Hoff as well as the catchphrase “Don’t Hassle The Hoff.”This is devastating news. Seriously. I love the name The Hoff, and I can’t see why he gave it up. This is like Kramer selling all his stories to J. Peterman. The problem I see down the road for Dave is the fact that he and his ex don’t usually get along. Next time they fight, you might see a whole line of shirts that say Nobody Loves Little Boys Like The Hoff. Oh, it wouldn’t have his photo, and it would look innocent, but it would set the trend. There are lots of things she can do with that catchphrase also.

David or Dave just isn’t as much fun as saying The Hoff. Dave kind of belongs to David Letterman, so then it would have to be David. Lots of Davids in the world, and I hate spelling Hasselhoff. I’m too lazy to find the photo spread I did last year of The Hoff, but I’m going to miss him. Him being The Hoff. The Hoff allowed you to actually enjoy the joke of David Hasselhoff, much the same way that Priceline allowed you to love William Shatner and got him a show that didn’t involve TJ or Hookers. On the bright side for DH, he does keep his companies called Hasselhits, Hasseltunes and Hoffstuff. Unfortunately for him HHH is also taken. How about Ha Ha Ho. Can’t believe the Hoff is gone. Need some kind of sad music and then the red M&M comes up and gives me a hug.

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David Hasselhoff has agreed to pay $25,000 a month to support his ex-wife and children. Court documents released Thursday show the former “Baywatch” star’s divorce settlement calls for him to pay $21,000 a month to ex-wife Pamela Bach and another $4,000 to support their daughters, 17-year-old Taylor and 15-year-old Hayley.

Hasselhoff and Bach have joint custody of the children.

The couple also agreed to joint ownership of their San Fernando valley home and will divide the family’s cars, bank accounts and Hasselhoff’s pensions from acting and directing guilds.

Bach and Hasselhoff divorced in 2006 after more than 16 years of marriage.

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David Hasselhoff might not be dead, but his career is. Actually he looks happy and healthy so good for him!

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Baywatch star David Hasselhoff has been given the ok to return to his familys mansion to retrieve his belongings including an African pipe, an ivory tusk and a “French maid”. In a court hearing on today, a judge ruled Hasselhoff’s ex-wife Pamela Bach must allow the former Television star into their Encino, California home to remove some of his personal items including a green elephant and a “boy with horn” located in the family’s African room. Hasselhoff, who is currently embroiled in bitter divorce dealings with Bach, will be also allowed to remove his weights, a piano, recording equipment, Ted Williams memorabilia and an antique barber’s chair, according to court documents obtained by TMZ.com.

David Hasselhoff and ex-wife Pamela Bach have agreed on post-divorce terms that include joint custody of their teenage daughters, Hasselhoff’s attorney confirmed Tuesday.

The former “Baywatch” star and Bach were divorced in August 2006 after more than 16 years of marriage. After months of negotiating custody and financial arrangements, a deal was struck Friday, according to attorney Melvin S. Goldsman.

“I’m pleased that everything has been resolved and I’m proud of my kids, who remain strong and have exhibited dignity during this very difficult time,” Hasselhoff said in a statement released by his publicist. “We are all moving on.”

Goldsman declined to spell out the terms of the settlement concerning Bach’s request for more spousal and child support.

Improving relations between Hasselhoff, 55, and Bach, 44, led to the revised custody arrangements and his willingness to let her to stay in their San Fernando Valley home until it is sold, Goldsman said.

Under a June court order, Hasselhoff had sole custody of the couple’s daughters, Taylor, 17, and Hayley, 15.

Lawyers for Bach weren’t immediately available for comment, and a message left with her publicist Tuesday was not immediately returned.

David Hasselhoff had a relapse in his battle with alcoholism and was admitted to Cedars-Sinai Hospital yesterday where he was treated for alcohol poisoning. David is currently in a custody battle with his ex, Pamela Bach. TMZ reports:

No word on how the latest lapse will affect custody. A judge awarded physical custody of the kids to Hoff, but we’re told for the last five weeks they’ve been living pretty much full-time with David’s ex, Pamela Bach, while he was in Europe shooting “Anaconda 3.” We’re told he had “infrequent contact” with his daughters, something Hoff’s people dispute.

David Hasselhoff is having a tough time with the booze. Yeah, that’s terrible, but let me tell you about the real tragedy here. They’re making Anaconda 3. C’mon! I’d rather pass a kidney stone then sit through that movie. Is this a franchise that really needs a third installment? But, hey, it stars David Hasselhoff, so at least they’re adding some star-power to this one.

Edit: So, I just learned that you pass kidney stones through your urethra. One ticket to Anaconda 3, please. Besides man sauce and urine, there’s only one other thing that comes out of my urethra: Laser beams.

Edit: Okay, maybe one time Chinese throwing stars shot out of it. But that’s where I draw the line.

Edit: Alright, alright. Yes, during a full moon, I shot a silver bullet out of it and killed a werewolf. But, seriously, that’s it.

Edit: A Civil War-era cannonball, Carl Weathers and a map of Middle-Earth. Okay, I’m done.