Victoria Beckham posed outside the Louvre in Paris wearing what appear to be shoulder pads and a hoochie outfit complete with hard nips. And when I say shoulder pads, I don’t mean like the shoulder inserts from the 80’s, I mean like the ones they use in the NFL. My penis and I are confused. Is she making a statement that says she’s into hard lovin’ but is responsible and wears proper safety gear? Or did I miss some sort of weird, slutty European football game? I don’t know whether to be turned on or throw a tailgate party. I got it! I’ll make some nachos and hire a stripper. Wow, I’m like MacGyver!

Victoria Beckham was spotted attending Louis Vuitton’s spring/summer 2008 show, the final stop during her stay in Paris for Fashion Week.

Posh even took the time to post a message to fans on her blog, which read: “Hi everyone - Hope you are loving the new pictures in my blog section - my beauty team were in full spirits in Paris last week. I am absolutely loving my green dress - it’s a vintage 50’s dress that I’ve mixed with Fendi shoes and DVB sunglasses. Classic but chic.

Is there a better way to shed the tension of having an ailing father-in-law and preparing for a super sold-out world tour than to spend some time in retail therapy?  No way!

Just ask Victoria Beckham.  She’s been living it up in Paris this week, enjoying Fashion Week, and doing a bit of shopping as well.

I found my Halloween costume! I’m going to be a Posh/Dita hybrid. Seriously, these women look ridic!!! I actually like Dita and I’m pretty sure she doesn’t take all of this seriously. She’s probably laughing inside.  

Mix these two together and you’d have the perfect shade of cream latte granite. It would look divine on your kitchen counter.

Here’s Marble and Terracotta at the Chanel show in Paris today. 

Victoria Beckham is definitely in her element this week.  The Annual Paris Fashion week is underway, and the reignited Spice Girl seems to be omnipresent in the French capitol.

Earlier today, the mother-of-three was seen in the company of burlesque icon (and former Marilyn Manson lover) Dita Von Teese as she attended the Chanel Fashion Show.  She looked positively cute in her teal minidress and exaggerated sunglasses.

Posh really needs to do something about those breasts. I stared at them for a good 5-minutes and I saw all sorts of things. I saw two bee eyes staring me down. I saw two little baby heads popping out of her shirt. Those implants are just ridic.

Everything else is fine. I mean I even like that dress. It looks like one of those cover-ups the strippers wear when they are making the rounds after their set. 

Also, how can Roberto Cavalli and Posh pose like that without busting into laughter?  

Here’s these two at the opening of his store in Paris today. 

To say that the tickets to the Spice Girls Reunion Tour are selling like hotcakes would be an understatement.  In fact, they’re selling out venues so quickly, promoters are begging and pleading for additional dates.  And the 5 ladies from the UK are happy to oblige.

With the initial dates selling out in a matter of seconds, the “Wannabe” singers have added additional dates at the O2 Arena in London.  Now, Geri, Emma, Victoria, Melanie, and Melanie are performing on December 15, 16, 18, as well as January 2, 15, and 16. 

They’re releasing their Greatest Hits album next month before embarking on a mega-tour.  And it looks like the Spice Girls won’t have any trouble selling tickets to their shows.

For instance, the Spice Girls’ London show sold out in all of thirty-eight SECONDS… not minutes, but seconds.  And that was after over a million fans pre-registered to be able to buy tickets.

Now that David Beckham and wife Victoria are back in Los Angeles following Becks’ dad’s heart attack - the soccer stud is hoping that his pops will come join him in the States.

According to the latest reports, the LA Galaxy footballer wouldn’t even be home if it weren’t at his father, Ted Beckham’s, insistence. Now, David has made it clear that he expects to see Ted on a flight to LA in the near future.

We were all saddened for the Beckhams last week when they had to rush to England to tend to David’s dad.  But things are looking to be on the up and up, with Becks’ return to LA.

Preliminary reports suggest that the elder Beckham is on the mend after he was rushed to the hospital, complaining of chest pains.

As a follow up to the Gossip Girl’s story on Posh Spice ditching Japan to be with her man, the Beckhams have been reunited in England, as David and Victoria tend to Beck’s ailing father.

The Beckhams arrived at London Chest Hospital around 11 am this morning (England time) in a bling bling Bentley.  They were joined by their entourage, traveling ahead of them in an SUV.

Victoria Beckham was spotted leaving Tokyo ahead of schedule this morning. Posh was on her way to London to be with husband David Beckham, whose dad recently suffered a heart attack.

David had already caught a flight from Los Angeles last night to join his father, Ted, 59, at an East London hospital.

David Beckham was seen fighting back tears yesterday as he rushed to be by his father’s side. Becks’ daddy suffered a near-fatal heart attack in London. Becks’ spokeswhore said, “His father has had a heart attack and is currently being treated in hospital. Victoria is in Japan working but obviously she has been informed of it and she is concerned.”

Yeah right! David probably called Posh and she’s like “Who?! Hah? Wait…but we’ve still got money right?” 

Oh Becks! Don’t let the world see your tears!  I will be your bosom while that pig witch is busy with her own life!

Just keep it inside, learn how to hide your feelings!!! Fly high and proud!!!
And if you should fall, remember you almost had it all!!!

FUCK! Now I got effin Melissa effin Manchester in my head all day long. 

Story: Daily Mail - Images: Splash

Earlier I wrote about how Posh the Pig Witch probably didn’t give a flying fuck that David Beckham’s daddy was in the hospital after he suffered a heart attack. Well, Posh cancelled all of her engagements in Tokyo and left today to be with Becks in England. She does have some blood in her heart.

Posh was in Tokyo to launch her make-up line. Yes…make-up line. Her foundation comes in three colors: orange, medium orange and dark orange.  

Victoria Beckham decided it’d be cool to dress like a Nazi as she flew from LA to Japan. Some say she’s basing her look on Tom Cruise’s new role as a Nazi colonel. Victoria and Tom’s wife Katie Holmes are close friends. So close, that Katie is coaching Posh Spice’s career that can’t seem to take off. A source close to Victoria spoke to the The Daily Mail:

“Katie Holmes had been helping her with scripts and perfecting her acting but even that has not helped the situation. Victoria had hoped to be picking and choosing presenting roles too. She had wanted perhaps to guest host on Larry King - in the way that Heather Mills did. But that has not worked out either. She had been hoping that the documentary about the Beckhams moving to America would be made into a series, but it was cut right back too. Victoria had also set her sights on getting the cover of American Vogue but that too has proved elusive. Basically she pinned her hopes on offers of work coming flooding in but that just has not happened.”

Victoria Beckham is making all the right moves. First she seeks advice from Katie Holmes whose career was quietly murdered in its sleep by Tom Cruise - right after he stole Katie’s looks. Then Victoria dresses like a Nazi in public. Smart, smart move. She’s on her way to being the hardest working woman in Hollywood. Posh’s publicist must be the best in the biz. Or a ham sandwich. I can’t decide.