I was going to try and think of some wonderfully witty headline, but I think in this case, short and succinct works best. Beyonce was supposed to perform at a club in New York tomorrow night. She was paid $200,000 for the appearance and even posted the event on her website. The owner of the club told The NY Post that on Wednesday Beyonce’s people called and said they were going to have to cancel. They claimed they didn’t have enough time because they are preparing for her tour. Instead, they did offer to come by the club for an hour and mingle with people.

The owner of this club spent $100K on everything that Beyonce demanded in her rider. He sold tables and tickets and was counting on this concert for the grand opening of the new club M2. How is that Beyonce is so busy preparing for her tour that she can’t come sing for an hour or so on Saturday night but can find time to do a meet and greet on Sunday? I will tell you why, because she doesn’t want to work on a Saturday night for what is probably not enough money to her. Instead she wants to show up on a Sunday night and sit in a roped off VIP area talking to her bodyguards and collecting $200K for doing absolutely nothing.

Does anyone really think that she would walk around the club for an entire hour and mix with people? Does anyone seriously believe that? Does she think we are stupid? The club owner is pissed and rightly so. He says he is going to sue her and he should. Plus, what is the deal in canceling 72 hours before the show? It isn’t like she is sick or anything. Hasn’t she already been performing this tour? I would think they are pretty much ready to go. I think the issue is that Beyonce limits herself to no more than one hour of activity each day and she probably had a spa appointment or something for Saturday and was going to be drained after that.

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After hearing about the fact that Susan Boyle needs more rest days after just performing for six minutes in the past four days, I really am starting to wonder if maybe she should just go on home to Edinburgh and call it a career. Oh, I think she can record some albums because they can do it on her time and work around her needs, but it’s pretty obvious that this is someone who doesn’t need to be performing full-time or even once a year.

The latest incident allegedly involved Susan standing on her balcony at a hotel and crying and screaming for her cat all night and how she needed her cat. The tour then promptly decided she should have the next few nights off. I think she should just call it off for good. I also start to wonder about reports that Simon Cowell is trying to set her up for a Las Vegas run of shows and whether he is really that greedy or if the reports are false. If she does a series of shows in Las Vegas, it will push her off the edge. She can’t do them. There is absolutely no way. They would require at least 60 minutes of singing and probably closer to 90 and she would have to do it several times a week. It would be a disaster.

I know she has a record deal. Great. Go home and record some music once or twice a month and just keep releasing album after album. She would get to sing and I don’t have to worry about her health everyday and what is going to happen to her.

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To make this week complete I just need Michael Lohan to say something stupid and for Ali Lohan to get pregnant or arrested or something. In my Lohan Bingo game I don’t have all the squares filled but it is getting close. Just because she can’t shut up, Dina decided to give an interview to whomever would listen. Not too many it turns out, but she gives the best quotes money can buy.

Did you know that Lindsay’s cell phone was hacked last month? Me either and I find it hard to believe because Lindsay tweets about pretty much damn near anything. I don’t really care one way or the other. That isn’t why I decided to write about Dina. Nope. That kind of quote can only get you so far in a post. It is this next quote that makes Dina a star.

“Lindsay is a 22-year-old girl who needs to live her life in peace. The tabloids need to leave her alone with all the lies and reporting with no proof.”

Umm, if the tabloids left Lindsay alone she would hunt them down and find them. I think they would be perfectly happy to leave her alone. They don’t really follow her outside Los Angeles anymore which is a damn shame because I have a feeling the real fun stuff happens overseas. I’m not sure what lies have been told by the tabloids but if they have then sue. Oh wait it has to damage her reputation too. That is going to be a tough one. Yeah. My bad. I forgot she doesn’t really have much of one to destroy at this point.

Dina then throws out that Elle quote as a defense in support of Lindsay not stealing the jewels from the fashion shoot. She also says that any suggestion Lindsay is involved in the theft is defamatory, false, and unfair. I believe those might have been the same words she used when Lindsay was accused of stealing the fur. Oh, and wasn’t there something else she was alleged to have stolen from some friends as well. Yes, in addition to what she stole from the Louis Vuitton shoot. The friends thing is different from the fur thing which is different from the Louis Vuitton thing which is different from the jewels thing.

To top the entire interview off, Dina gets screwed. No, not literally, but Kneepads ran the interview late yesterday afternoon and makes Dina look extremely stupid. Unintentionally I’m sure. “Lindsay has been home with me and her family for awhile now, celebrating her little brother [Cody’s] confirmation and his 13th birthday.”

Last I checked, Lindsay was in New York for like a day and has been out stalking Sam or hanging out with Seacrest or Brittny Gastineau at least the past two nights here in LA so, nice try Dina. Don’t you just love how she throws in the church thing with Cody getting confirmed? Please. If Lindsay or Dina walked into a church there would be a fire like no other in history. I can’t even picture them at a church service together. I’m surprised the Rapture didn’t take place that day.

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As you know by now I don’t watch Grey’s Anatomy. It isn’t that I don’t like much of the cast, because I do. For some reason I just never started and I hate coming into a show several seasons late. You just never get into that rhythm or fully involve yourself with the characters. Anyway, I don’t need to know anything about the show to tell you they are getting screwed over by Katherine Heigl and don’t really care.

Katherine Heigl bad mouthed everyone on that show just like she bad mouths everyone with whom she has ever worked. Katherine was ready and did throw Grey’s under the bus until she realized that maybe her movie career wasn’t going to be as good as she thought. That maybe getting kicked off a movie might be a sign of things to come and no paychecks to bring home.

So, instead of trying to talk her way out of the last year of her contract, now Katherine is all smiles and hugs and how she loves Grey’s Anatomy and she never wanted to leave. She was just tired and cranky and hopes everyone will forgive her and please, keep paying her until she can make it big as a movie star and throw you all under the bus again.

I’m wondering also if she told TR Knight she was going to stay on the show. Maybe she thought, “hmmm, he can go and I can stay and be the biggest star on the show.” More like the biggest diva, but whatever works. So, I guess she survives her tumor or cancer or whatever for now.

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It is bad enough that Kneeepads Magazine is the biggest kiss ass in the free world. OK, well they tie with Larry King, but Kneepads is still the biggest in print. Oh, wait. Larry King has a column doesn’t he? Well, anyway you get the idea. What Kneepads doesn’t usually do is lie. Until now. Maybe they would not call it a lie. Maybe they would use a different term. I will let you decide.

Jeremy Piven was interviewed last night and told Kneepads that he had not had any fish in ten months. This is of course because he is still dealing with the fallout of his “mercury poisoning” and has to pretend he hasn’t had any fish at all because eating it would put him on his deathbed.

Kneepads of course printed everything Jeremy said. “I haven’t had a piece of fish since the doctor told me to lower my blood mercury level. So, it’s been almost 10 months now.” Piven then went into a diatribe about how he really was close to death and how everyone should be concerned about him and that he blah, blah, blah, close to death, blah, blah, text me girls, blah, blah, blah.

If Kneepads would have bothered fact checking before kissing ass they would have seen that in March which was 3 months ago, and not 10, that Piven was spotted eating calamari (which is not technically fish) and also tuna tartare which last I checked is fish, and raw. Oh, and has the highest mercury count. (thanks to libby for checking the archives and not letting Piven or Kneepads get away with it)

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When I first saw that Jennifer Love Hewitt was writing a relationship advice book I looked very closely that the article wasn’t written by The Onion or that it wasn’t some kind of April Fool’s Day joke or something like that. Why would anyone pay her actual money to write a book about giving relationship advice to others? Someone thought she had good advice to share? Do they live in this world? Since when did Jennifer Love Hewitt become a relationship expert? Has there been any person with whom she has broke up that has said anything positive about her or their relationship with her? I don’t remember seeing anything. Here is what Jennifer had to say about the book. “I thought it was time to share the real story of what I’ve learned navigating the dating waters.”

What kind of advice is Jennifer likely to give? Well, I have a sneak preview of some of the chapter titles of her book.

Chapter 1 - Why I bring my mom on all my first dates.
Chapter 2 - Why I bring my mom on all my dates for the first month.
Chapter 3 - Dating someone while still involved in another relationship.
Chapter 4 - When moms collide - Why I broke up with Carson Daly
Chapter 5 - One condom or two - Dating rock stars
Chapter 6 - Two condoms or three - Dating John Mayer
Chapter 7 - Love rings by Love - Why Cartier should give me my own jewelry line.
Chapter 8 - My 32 favorite places in the world - Places I have been proposed to
Chapter 9 - Pretending you care
Chapter 10 - How to get him to call you fat so you can break up with him.
Chapter 11 - Mom’s in the bedroom? Why I say yes!
Chapter 12 - Breaking up with your man while still keeping the engagement ring.
Chapter 13 - Getting your man to ride in the back seat like a little kid - Dating Jamie Kennedy
Chapter 14 - Mom’s on honeymoons? Why I say yes!

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Last year Jessica Simpson added the fragrance “Fancy” to her entrepreneurial endeavors and now the pop princess is unveiling “Fancy Love”.

“It is a fresh, new expression of Jessica’s lifestyle,” Vince Camuto, CEO of the Camuto Group said. “She is loved and in love.”

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Star Eliza Dushku had an animal encounter with a very intrusive fan on the set of Dollhouse.
Yeah as we know, the problem with dresses that are way too short…

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